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Triggers 1:
, it seems, is at epidemic proportions throughout the world. Anger is sometimes called a secondary emotion, that is it is how we have learnt to deal or cope with another feeling (underneath) that has also been felt. Often we go straight past that underneath feeling, it happens in a micro-second , and we don't even recognise it. because we don't recognise it, it is known as a subconscious feeling. The trick is to stop and listen to yourself (become more aware) and ask what did I feel just before I got angry? Or, what feeling am I protecting here? These protected, unconscious feelings are known as UBF's -
Unbearable Feelings. They are not always unconscious but most often are, as they hurt so much (they are unbearable after all) we suppress them, shove them away where they can't be felt. As I said, the trick is to find them (bring them to the conscious) - Trace them and the thoughts and beliefs that go with them. Then Face them - as nasty as they are it is important that you own them and start to make friends with them, make them bearable - you can do it. The last part it to Replace them and the thoughts and beliefs that go with them with more realistic, more appropriate thoughts/beliefs/feelings. Below is a list of some pretty horrible feelings - these aren't nice or ever will be or ever were supposed to be, but we can make them bearable and when we do we won't have to protect them with an Angry response.
Also and probably more importantly, though these are real feelings they often don't reflect the truth, they are how we have learnt to feel as a result of our interpretation and perception of events in our lives. We can easily miss-interpret, especially in the early years of our lives, children are great recorders of information but poor interpreters. Some of our interpretations are out dated and just don't apply now, others are damaged or polluted. The Trace, Face and Replace exercise will help sort these interpretations or miss-interpretations out as well.

Abandoned Abused Accused Affronted Alienated Attacked Avoided Beaten Betrayed Bossed Broken Cheated Compromised Controlled Cornered Criticized Crushed Cursed Cut Dejected Dehumanised Deserted Devoured Discarded Discouraged Disregarded Disrespected Dumped Forsaken Forced Harmed Humiliated Hurt Ignored Imprisoned Inept Inferior Inhibited Insignificant Insulted Intimidated Invalidated Interrogated Invisible Judged Labeled Manipulated Mislead Mistreated Misunderstood Mocked Neglected Offended Powerless Pressured Provoked Punished Rejected Repressed Restricted Ridiculed Robbed Stranded Stereotyped Stressed Stricken Stuffed Stung Subjugated Teased Threatened Tormented Tortured Trapped Underestimated Unheard Unimportant Uninformed Unloved Unsafe Unsupported Unwanted Used Victimized Violated Vulnerable Wounded

Also see the >>medical explanation/model<< of how our brains function when triggered by a possible or perceived extreme threat. When the above feelings are felt (remember, mostly subconsciously) and we have determined they are unbearable our brains react with a message (again subconscious) - 'here is a threat, emergency!, emergency! do something, fight, flight or freeze! Some people, especially men, have learnt to fight, fight, fight and so they explode into a rage of Anger.
Hey, you've just been teased or unheard or affronted or any of the above feelings this is not an extreme threat, you don't have to loose it and explode.
Yes it was unpleasant, or even horrible but not an extreme threat to your survival. Subconsciously it feels like an extreme threat but it's not, it's not, it's not.

Below is the Anger Volcano Model which is used to help put a rating on our level of anger and build a resource of choices to bring our anger down towards the calm state. The idea with this model is that the higher up the volcano we go the less choices we have. Our brain just shuts them down as it focuses all its attention to fighting the perceived threat. The aim is to build a healthy resource kit of choices which include Truth Coaches that are learnt and become our automatic response to perceived extreme threat. This is more for anger management which goes along side the above UBF theory which deals with the root, subconscious issues where the anger emanates or is triggered from.


Quotes from “Live and Learn and Pass it On” by H. J. BrownWisdom:

I’ve learned that anger manages everything poorly. – Age 53
I’ve learned that if you allow someone to make you angry, you have let them conquer you. – Age 54
I’ve learned that my worst decisions were made when I was angry. – Age 62
I’ve learned that you often take out your frustrations on the people you love the most. – Age 29
I’ve learned that sometimes I don’t like to play ball with Daddy because he gets mad when I drop the ball. – Age 10