MyMind Counselling Services

What Motivates people to Change?

1. The Pain that will slowly and surely increase as the result of 'staying the same', and continuing to do 'what I've always done'. This in the vain hope -the self-deceived pretence -that it'll all work out OK, and I won't have to go against myself and my feelings or put some effort into it. "How much will you have to suffer before you get serious about getting help?" is an appropriate empowering question to ask anybody who is repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot, in their lives.
"When desperation exceeds our fears, progress begins." - Operation Jerualem

2. Hope; that I can become my dream for myself, and that I can reach the ideal of myself which is my desire.
3. How to - Insight
; with truth-coaches, new insights, training and effectual and relevant understandings, not previously grasped or understood.
4. Love; that somebody who is significant to me - whom I want to please - isn't pleased, but that it is within my power to please them. It may be a counsellor, coach, spouse or employer. It may be someone who has the courage, the conviction and the compassion to get 'in my face' and persuade me to change course.

Empowering Questions:
  • What is stopping you from changing?
  • How much will you have to suffer before you get serious about getting help?
  • What is the thought or feeling that continually persuades you to stay the way you are?
  • What deep persuasion would you need to effect true change?
  • What or who is in charge of your life, are you in charge or are you enslaved to someone or something?
  • Are you fully persuaded that you can change? - Believing that you can change is a big step towards making it a reality.
Adults don't usually change until the pain of staying the same outstrips the pain it takes to change. Or the deep ambivalence that persuades you to stay the same, "Yeah, but ..................................... is so nice and comforting" (TA - the pay-off) is deconstructed and dealt to. They are best turned around so you don't see them as nice but horrible or thrown out altogether.
In order to win some battles, one must take the plunge of daring to believe the truth, before one feels or sees the evidence. This emotional self-referential state (circle of torment - cognitive dissonance that is driven by emotional based reasoning), or reciprocity, forms a loop which can only be broken by the cold hard decision (totally unsupported by feelings in the early stages) to appropriate a truth before it's ever felt to be true. ( Fake it 'till you make it, and get through the limbic lag.) It is truly a frightening thing to side with a guide (trusting a counsellor) against one's own sense of reality, safety and direction, when that sense is no longer reliable. It immediately invokes fear, confusion and anxiety, but it is also the only way out. A short-term increase in confusion is the first sign that one is making progress out of this terrible disorientation. - David Riddell
Love and Hope: I want to be like........... I hope to achieve.......... I love that about that person, that how I want to be. That person, that insight, that movie, that truth, that book, that song , that poem inspires me to want to change.
"Who is your hero? We all need some-one or something to aspire to. Who do you want to please? Who do you want to become like? We are relationally orientated beings. 'Where there is no hero, the people dwell carelessly' might be a good adaptation of the old scripture. Love wants to please someone. Do you have a 'someone'? Without this 'someone' I have observed that motivation can die stillborn. If Christ is your 'someone', do His expectations encourage you or merely condemn?" - David Riddell
For the spirit of a man to be able to gain victory over his soul, they should first be clearly distinguished. Are you simply the same as your thoughts and values? If you are, then what will become of you if you change them? And what will become of you while you are changing them? To postulate change, we must first grasp the reality that we are not simply our minds, but that we are something more than merely our minds. That I am a sovereign spirit, directing my soul to go this way or that, accept this loyalty or that. This God-ordained sovereignty is at work all the time, deciding our destiny. But note, it is itself always under pressure from four deeply basic needs. Needs such as physical survival, as in food, warmth and shelter. Also emotional survival, as in significance, security and progress, as well as spiritual survival, as in innocence from guilt and self-condemnation. These needs take the form of constantly nagging companions, never for one moment leaving the spirit free from their constant demands. Is the spirit then really free? Well, only as free as the options open to it. And those options depend on some extremely fluid factors don't they? But here's the bottom line - I am still able to pray for and enlist help, or not. I am still able to address the issue, or not. I'm still able to search for greater insight or not, aren't I? - David Riddell

The earliest beliefs are the strongest. They are usually found in the subconscious. They need to be teased out into the conscious mind with the help of counselling and get sorted. Check if they are true. Check if they are relevant now. Check they need adjusting. Check if they are working for you or against you, and deal to them accordingly. Take note: You need to be fully persuaded, don't just dabble with them as they are, as it were, 'pretty well set in concrete'. Trace, Face and Replace those beliefs. They need some serious challenging to get them rooted out of there. Remember the Replace bit, it is very important. Fill the gap left by the old belief; in fact one has to have alternatives to believe in. They may start of as insights, they then become firmly held truths then after the limbic lag period they become beliefs going deep into the subconscious.

For those who have a Christian faith the work of Jesus in a believers life can bring about radical, fast and lasting change. This reliance on God is the most significant element in the AA 12 Step Program offered to people struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. Somehow Jesus is able to touch peoples hearts (their subconscious) and bring insight, truth, revelation, repentance and change in minutes. From a purely pragmatic perspective, it (He) just plain works! Follow through counselling is advised to help understand and cement these new insights, truths and revelations.

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." - Victor Frankl
"Change takes place when truth is presented in relationship" - unknown