MyMind Counselling Services
Personal Growth

This subject is limitless - below is a growing list of pointers and insights that will help
you grow and change into the bigger person you want to be. At this stage they are randomly
entered but eventually they will be put into categories.
Becoming a 'bigger' person inside - increasing your emotional intelligence - working on you learning edges.
Being aware of when you start to become uncomfortable in any area of life and purposely going there to
understand and work with it such that it does not bring about the same distressing or uncomfortable response.

Personal development requires personal change and it starts from within.
When you change you grow.
Life is 10% what happened and 90% how you react to it. ~ or ~ Life is 10% aptitude and 90% attitude.

Follow these positive affirming words by moving the mouse around - get your thinking doing the same and you will grow.

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. This is the need we may call self-actualization ... It refers to man's desire for fulfillment, namely to the tendency for him to become actually in what he is potentially: to become everything that one is capable of becoming ..." - Dr. Abraham Maslow, who first coined the term "self-actualization".

Words linked to Personal Growth - Attitude, Awareness, Authenticity, Behaviour, Being, Belief, Belonging, Body, Change, Choice, Connection, Contentment, Decision, Development, Doing, Efficacy, Family, Honesty, Illusion, Integrity, Love, Meditation, Mind, Ownership, Positive, Purpose, Responsible, Spirit, Strength, Tranquil, Truth, Values

Do you want to grow in character and be more fulfilled in life?
Then follow these guidelines around personal responsibility and you most certainly will:

  • Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.
  • Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.
  • Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.
  • Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.
  • Tearing down the mask of defence or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you, and what you are bound to become.
  • The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.
  • Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions.
  • Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.
  • Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.
  • Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.
  • Not feeling sorry for the ``bum deal'' you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.
  • Letting go of your sense of over responsibility for others.
  • Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.
  • Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears, and burnout prevention.
  • Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues, and positive points.
  • Developing positive, self-affirming, self-talk scripts to enhance your personal development and growth.
  • Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background, and awareness.
  • Working out anger, hostility, pessimism, and depression over past hurts, pains, abuse, mistreatment, and misdirection.

In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the ability to:

  • Seek out and to accept help for yourself.
  • Be open to new ideas or concepts about life and the human condition.
  • Refute irrational beliefs and overcome fears.
  • Affirm yourself positively.
  • Recognize that you are the sole determinant of the choices you make.
  • Recognize that you choose your responses to the people, actions, and events in your life.
  • Let go of anger, fear, blame, mistrust, and insecurity.
  • Take risks and to become vulnerable to change and growth in your life.
  • Take off the masks of behaviour characteristics behind which you hide low self-esteem.
  • Reorganize your priorities and goals.
  • Realize that you are the party in charge of the direction your life takes.

Quotes from “Live and Learn and Pass it On” by H. J. Brown

I’ve learned that self-pity is a waste of time. – Age 81
I’ve learned that the greater a persons sense of guilt, the greater their need to cast blame on others. – Age 46
I’ve learned that you are responsible for what you do, no matter how you feel. – Age 51
I’ve learned that failures always blame someone else. – Age 62
I’ve learned that I cannot expect others to solve my problems. – Age 34
I’ve learned that if you depend on others to make you happy, you’ll be endlessly disappointed. – Age 60
I’ve learned that if I want circumstances to change for the better, I must change for the better. – Age 42


Outside In - Scotosis - While we promote learning to truly learn we must first overcome our fear of learning. Let's be honest with one another, some things we would rather not learn. Darkness at times is preferable to light.

There is a word for this - Scotosis.
Scotosis means an aberration which prevents the emergence into consciousness of perspectives that which would give rise to unwanted insights - Lonergan 1957
"Scotosis", which refers to a kind of cultivated collective blind spot that we develop to ward off knowledge that might upset our customary way of viewing the world. - Walker 2001
A hardening of the mind against unwanted wisdom through the repression of questions or learning that might lead to deeper insights.

It's not that they/we don't get it, they/we don't want to get it!
I'd rather not know.
I would rather talk about it, read about it and discuss it, anything but learning about it. Learning takes place at a far deeper level. Learning takes place when you are truly available to learn.

Is that you?
Is your fear of learning keeping you in the dark?
Are you protecting yourself from unwanted insights?
Playing it safe in conversation while untouched by it's implication?
If you want to really learn you must first overcome your fear of learning.



"Character' is doing the right  thing when nobody's looking."  --J.C. Watts
Ultimately, all the skills in the world won't save you if your character is flawed. Author Stephen Covey writes, "If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics to get other people to do what I want… and my character is fundamentally flawed… in the long run I cannot be successful. My duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do will be perceived as manipulative." It makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success. Character can be built, but only slowly. If you want to know how long it will take you to get to the top, consult a calendar. If you want to know how long it will take you to fall to the bottom, try a stopwatch. Dreams become shattered, possibilities are lost, organisations crumble and people are hurt when a person doesn't have character protecting his talent.

Character verses Reputation - Bill Wilson - 'Who's Child is This'

Reputation is what you are supposed to be.
Character is who you are.
Reputation is a photograph.
Character is your face.
Reputation is what you have when you come to a new place.
Character is what you have when you go away.
Reputation is learned in an hour.
Character does not come to light for years.
Reputation is made in a moment.
Character is built in a lifetime.
Reputation grows like a mushroom.
Character grows like an oak.
Reputation is made from a single newspaper report.
Character is built from a life of toil.
Reputation makes you rich or poor.
Character makes you happy or miserable.
Reputation is what men say about you on your tombstone.
Character is what the angels say about you around the throne of God.

Why Does It Take So Long? - From Bob Gass - Word for Today

Why does change take so long? Because:
(1) We are slow learners. How often have you failed and thought, "Not again! I thought I knew better." The history of Israel illustrates how quickly we forget the lessons God teaches us and revert to old attitudes and patterns of behaviour. That's why "We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away" (Hebrews 2:1 NIV).
(2) We have a lot to unlearn. We go to a counsellor with a problem that took years to develop and say, "Fix me. I've got an hour." Whoa! Your problems didn't develop overnight and they won't disappear overnight. There's no pill, prayer or principle that will instantly undo the damage of many years. It requires the hard work of removal and replacement. The Bible calls this "Taking off the old self, and putting on the new self" (Ephesians 4:22-23 NIV). We still have old patterns, practises and predispositions that need to be dealt with. (When you have the right insight and God to help you can speed up this process immeasurably)
(3) Growth is painful. Every change involves a loss of some kind. We must let go of our old ways in order to experience the new life Christ promised. And we fear these losses, even if our old ways are self-defeating, because, like a worn-out pair of shoes, they are comfortable and familiar.
(4) Habits take time to develop. Your character is the sum total of your habits. And there is only one way to develop the habits of Christ-like character: you must practise them over and over! There are no instant habits. That's why Paul urged Timothy to "Practice these things. Devote your life to them" (1 Timothy 4:15 GWT).

Remember the H.A.L.T. sign:
When you're Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired you're vulnerable, and you're most likely to make poor decisions.
"The moment you resolve to take hold of life with all your might and make the most of yourself at any cost, to sacrifice all lesser ambitions to your one great aim, to cut loose from everything that interferes with that aim, to stand alone, firm in your purpose whatever happens, you set in motion the forces implanted within you for your own development. Live up to your resolve, work at what God meant you to work at for the perfecting of His plan, and you will be invincible. No power on earth can hold you back from success." - Orison Swett Marden